"One of those days" turned into "One of those weeks." By Friday we were having
problems with our laptop. After three or four minutes of running, everything
would stop responding. I couldn't even shut it down--I had to take the battery
out to get it to shut off. We had to borrow a friend's laptop to show the
PowerPoint at church on Sunday--which was the same day the transmission went out
on the van. I also found out this week that I didn't get the job I had applied
for. Another girl that used to work for them and had left for a job at a bank
now wants to come back, and since she has experience and I don't, they are
hiring her over me.
So now the van is in the shop, and so is the
computer. We had just paid off the van and now we're going to have to take a
loan out on it again to put in a new transmission. I'm disappointed about the
job, but I know that God holds my future.
And you know what? I've just
been filled with joy today. I can't stop singing and praising God. I can't even
explain it except that He gives me joy and peace in our circumstances. The Holy
Spirit just swooped into my life and filled me up with Him. It's possible to be
disappointed and full of joy at the same time! They aren't opposites.
Sometimes, as Christians, we feel that we should never feel sad about
things because we are supposed to be full of joy. So we fake a smile and say
"God is good" even though we don't feel it. We don't want to damage our witness,
knowing that how Christians handle things in our lives speaks volumes to those
around us. It's easy to be torn between trying to "rejoice in the Lord always"
and to also be genuine. A non-believer can tell when we're faking it, and that
can be a turn-off from Christianity just as much as the Christian that falls
apart when things go wrong. The problem is that we see "negative" emotions such
as disappointment and grief as being the opposite of joy.
Jesus
experienced those "negative" emotions, too--but as the Son of God, He never
sinned. He walked continually in the Spirit and set an example for us. The Bible
tells us that He endured the cross "for the joy set before Him." Even while He
was being crucified for our sins, He experienced joy. That joy is a supernatural
work of the Spirit that only comes from abiding in Christ. It has nothing to do
with our circumstances. In fact, bad circumstances offer more room for God's joy
to work. When His Spirit comes swooping in while things look down, we know where
our joy comes from. When we feel good because things are going well, there's not
as much room for the Holy Spirit to demonstrate His power.
It's not
incompatible with the fruit of the Spirit to feel emotions, even the ones we
feel are "less than spiritual." If we feel grief, we can remember that Jesus
also grieved. When we feel disappointed, it's okay--Jesus also experienced
disappointment. I'm sure I've disappointed Him many times in my life. Even when
we are angry, we can remember that Jesus was also angry. Run to Him for comfort.
Pour out your soul to Him--He understands and He's been there. He will give you
an unexplainable, supernatural joy. You can't manufacture it. You can't
"pretend" it into existence. It's real, it's powerful, and it's breathtaking!
Praise the Lord for His joy!
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