December 22, 2006--Shamppo musings

I'm a frugal person. I don't like to waste anything, especially hot water. Since we don't have a shower at this house, we have to take baths. Sometimes I get funny looks when I tell people I haven't showered since May. Anyway, when I fill the bathtub each day with hot water, I make sure to get as much use out of it as I can. I don't want to let all that nice, hot water run down the drain, so I make sure to stay in that bathtub and soak until the water is no longer hot. While I'm in the bathtub soaking, I sometimes pass the time by reading the backs of shampoo bottles. My husband and I use different kinds of shampoo. After all, he's a man and I'm a woman. We are different. Our hair is different. Our hair has different needs. My hair needs the kind of shampoo that has words like "luxurious" and silky" on the back. His hair doesn't. Men don't like their hair being luxurious and silky. His shampoo doesn't have words like that. In fact, I was reading his the other day, and it had a special box that said, "Tool Tip" by it. It was something about using their brand of sports gel as well as their brand of shampoo. I had to laugh. Since when is shampoo a tool? Well, men like tools, so you have to call shampoo a "tool" to get men to buy it, I guess. I have another brand of shampoo that claims to be "fruit activated". What does that mean? Did the shampoo not really work before, was it sort of an inactive, watery solution that didn't lather up and didn't clean hair, and then someone inserted an apple in just the right place and *BAM* it became active and now it's shampoo? And what's the deal with shampoo bottles saying they leave your hair "healthy-looking"? It only looks healthy? Is it really sick and dying, but by golly, it looks like it's in good shape!? I have one bottle of shampoo right now in my bathtub that says it "maximizes body and volume." Does that mean it makes me fat and loud? What if I were to invent a shampoo and all it said on the side was, "It cleans your hair." Would anyone buy it if that was all it did? What, it doesn't do anything else? It doesn't maximize anything? It doesn't wake up my senses with it's energizing, citrus scent? It doesn't leave my hair feeling like pure silk or infuse it with protein? It just cleans it? What a rip-off! I was thinking this morning as I was enjoying my bath and reading the instructions on the shampoo bottle. Yes, I read the instructions! I'm not only frugal, I'm practical! The bottle said, "Directons: Wet hair, lather and rinse thoroughly. Repeat as desired." I was thinking, I wonder what the bottle would say if Eugene Peterson (author of "The Message") were to write the directions? Probably something like this "Directions: Get your hair wet. Put some shampoo on it. Lather it up real good and then rinse it all out. Do it again as many times as you want to." I think the current ones sound a little NIVish, myself.